Never-ending job searches
And how to stop them
If you’ve left a job that was AWFUL because you just couldn’t stay any more and have now been job searching for a year, two years, or more, you need a big change.
Let’s start with the AWFUL job.
asshole boss
stressful environment and/or culture
work that was ok at one point, that just became frustrating or boring after a while
co-workers or higher-ups who didn’t listen to you
a growing sense of exhaustion
challenges staying focused
lack of sleep, due to work stress
health challenges due to stress
If you experienced any or all of those and found yourself leaving a job because you just couldn’t go on anymore, you may have burned out or gotten close to burnout.
If you’ve left a job because you just couldn’t stay, that might be burnout.
Burnout feels different depending on your motivation
There are more than four categories, but these are the four I see the most in my clients and in myself.
the Perfectionist: Burnout feels like failing at being good - no matter how hard you try, it’s never enough, and the guilt is deafening. (listen to the chapter)
the Hero: Burnout feels like losing the spotlight - you’re still running, but no one’s watching, and you don’t know who you are offstage. (listen to the chapter)
the Researcher: Burnout feels like cognitive collapse - your mind used to be your sanctuary, now it’s static and retreat isn’t safe. (listen to the chapter, available July 15, 2025)
the Motivator: Burnout feels like betrayal - by the world, by your own body, by the fire you trusted to never go out. (chapter available July 22, 2025)
What did the first few weeks or months feel like after you left?
My clients who leave a job they burned out from take weeks to months off. They know they need some space because life got pretty bad before they left.
The first weeks to months feel like they know it is a good idea to take a break, but relaxing is elusive.
“I just took a week long vacation and came back more tired than when I left.”
I’m not saying it is a bad idea to take time off if you have the ability to do that, I’m just saying that if you burnout then go into a sabbatical, you won’t heal on your own.
Huh?
We are all totally biologically and neurologically obsessed with who we have been.
The thoughts we have repeatedly hardwire into our neocortex.
The feelings we feel regularly condition our bodies to crave them and seek them out.
Our habits register in our Cerebellum and become non-declarative memories, aka. automatic.
If you have been stressed for months to years and you make a dramatic change in your life with the intention to relax, your brain isn’t hardwired for that and your body is neurochemically addicted to how you have been.
AKA, you’re totally obsessed with who you have been.
It takes conscious effort to transform your life
If you hear one thing, hear this:
If you want something new in your life you are going to have to change who you are.
Burnout will not heal on its own, no matter how long your sabbatical is.
You are going to have to have new thoughts, make new choices, take new actions, have new experiences, and feel new feelings.
The never-ending job search
If you’ve burned out and have been job searching for longer than you like, AND you feel super over it maybe it is time to try something new.
If you burned out, your body experienced a setting where you weren’t safe. From an evolutionary perspective, it is your body’s job to keep you safe and it DOES NOT want you to go back there.
So, when you are searching for a job and it isn’t working, can you get curious about how you get in your own way?
Try asking yourself some open ended questions:
Where do I avoid completing tasks?
When was the last time I tried something new?
Am I job searching in a way that is enjoyable, or in a way that is terrible?
Who’s job search strategy am I using?
Who would I need to be to change how I go about this?
Is there something here, that I’m not aware of, that is holding me back?
Healing helps you do new things
You aren’t doing new things because they don’t feel right to do.
You can intellectually understand that it is time to do new things.
However, if they don’t feel
accessible
safe
for you
within your ability to complete
You just won’t do them. Or, if you do them, you won’t keep doing them for long.
I call this smashing through brick walls without a helmet on. That might be how you are trained to achieve, but it sucks.
When you actually heal, you can do things that previously felt very hard to do.
Healing opens the gateways to bigger accomplishments.
What it feels like when you come back from burnout
the Perfectionist: You start to come back when you stop trying to earn rest and start practicing mercy, with yourself, first.
the Hero: You begin to return when you tell the truth out loud, even if it means disappointing the crowd.
the Researcher: She begin to heal when you risk asking for help, and fins that connection doesn’t drain you, it restores you.
the Motivator: You start to reawaken when you stop fighting the fall and begin listening to the quiet power underneath the rage.
Which leadership type do you most connect with?